Advent
Every year Advent starts with a reading about "the sky is falling."  But it is a message of hope that God is about to establish a new heaven and a new earth.  I love advent and all the expectant joy of waiting.  But I am not very good at waiting in my daily life.  I am going to spend advent trying not to keep asking "why?"  Why is the world not at peace?  Why haven't we stopped global warming?  Why don't we have universal health care?  Why have I not managed to become the perfect teacher?  Why am I not tolerant of everyone?, etc. etc.  Let me spend these days trusting (and of course doing the best I can to bring about the things I hope for).  The joy is in the trust and the hope. 

Discerning Motives
I have been teaching about the Book of Job this week in my Old Testament class. The opening is always a challenge for me. The "accuser" who interacts with God believes that Job is only righteous because he knows God will give him wonderful rewards. God seems to believe that Job is righteous purely out of love and reverence for God. And so the challenge--the bet--to find out the truth. Job proves God is right. God wins this bet. Job remains righteous even without the expected rewards.

But the passage always raises the question for me about my motivation for good moral conduct or for the choices I make. One of my students said that the question in the passage was like my asking if they study because they want to know the subject matter, or only to get a grade. The opinion seemed to be that the grade was the only reason for learning. A little disappointing.

But I got to thinking about discernment and the reason we really do want to know what God desires of us when we make our choices. Would I, would you, make a choice purely because we see it as the way to reverence and honor God? And does reverence for God always include a truly deep respect for myself as well?

So many fish, why the empty nets?
I can identify with Peter. My efforts usually do not produce the abundant results I envision. Labor all day and catch nothing is a familar feeling. So the gospel spoke to me about what I can do and what God can do. Trust. Trust. Trust. It is the call for the day. And be amazed at what God does. I'll try to do that today and then to leave all my own efforts in God's hands and follow.

Discerning where God Calls Me
I been thinking about how the things I desrie most in life require me to let go of some of my self-centeredness. I most want to love and be loved. Yet I hate being vulnerable. I don't especially like to risk either. So there you are. There is no way to allow myself to be in loving relationship without risking being hurt or losing some of my ability to do whatever I want, whenever I want and however I want. This is true of wanting to love God as well. Risk! and Accept being vulnerable. It is a great ride and an amazing journey.

Remembering and Forgetting
It seems God only remembers us as a beautiful and lovable creation. God forgets all the things about us that we tend to remember about ourselves as faulty or failing in many ways. Do we all focus on our shortcomings and dwell or what seems like failure in our lives? Do we all find it hard to love ourselves? God's love is amazing and eternal.

Joseph and the Dream Coat
The reflection I read this morning about Joseph (of the amazing technicolor dream coat) talked about his ability to live without resentment or vengence. He did not try to get even with his brothers who sold him or the pharaoh who had him imprisoned unjustly. He seemed to do whatever needed to be done to promote the wellbeing of those around him. That is admirable. I hope to emulate that attitude.

A Day of Prayer
Taking a day to pray is a good thing, but I do not have time to put aside my "do list" for the day. So I am going to try to do everything in a prayerful way today. Trying to figure out what that means, though. I will have to concentrate pretty hard on the tasks of the day. Maybe I can just be aware of why I am doing what I am doing. Good question, "why?". Right now I am resolving to do everything for the glory of God. I am going to renew that resolve each time I start a new task today. Ah. Lent. It is calling me to a center.

Lenten Practices
It has been such a long time since I blogged. I have been far too busy. If lent is to be a time of renewal, I think my resolve must be to take more time for reflection and spend less time fretting about what is and what is not finished. I am praying that I can be more reflective and also more patient with persons and things.

Mary
Advent seems like a time of busyness even though I always decide at the beginning that I will spend more quiet time in an attitute of expectant waiting. This feast of Mary is a wake up call reminding me that I have not stopped to be attentive. I know that Mary did not live in a calm time but one of oppression for her people and of turbulent politics, yet she was quiet enough to hear a call from God--a call that would cost her much and a call she did not understand. But she was quiet enough to hear and trusting enough in God's promises to say, "yes."

Today I want my Advent to be one of quiet expectation that God will fulfill all promises and that I can cooperate in that adventure. I want to listen and wait.

Economy
I sometimes wonder what is happening in our lives in terms of the measures we have taken to be able to care for our elderly sisters. It has never been luxury we have aimed for, just the ability to provide for basic needs. Now with the great drop in the stock market and the value of retirement funds, I wonder how we will be able to manage. It is not that I spend time worrying, because I do believe that God provides for our needs in ways that are best for us and I trust that whatever happens God will be with us. However, somewhere deep inside, I am feeling that we should be rewarded or at least protected because we have sacrificed in order to be responsible for our elderly sisters. And there is that lesson I come to over and over again--life is not a series of rewards for good behavior but a series of acts of love and trust without specific expectations.

My other thoughts are around what I meant by my vow of poverty. I didn't think much about the future in terms of money or care in sickness and old age, but I did mean that I was willing to live with whatever was my lot as a sister. I really meant that I would be content with little and not live in luxury. It will take some adjustment in my view of the future as I give myself once again into the hands of our Provident God.

What does this teach me about discernment? That decisions are not made because of the certainty of a specific future, but are made with a deep trust and love for a God who provides.

All Souls Day

Yesterday we had our annual remembrance of the Sisters of Divine Providence who have died since last November 2. There were six to remember. During the Vespers service, the names of those six were read along with a remembrance of them. The sister who writes these remembrances always captures some small thing about each of them that makes it seem like they are actually there in a warm and caring way. Often the reflections bring a smile to our faces as we recall the caring nature of each of them and the particular sense of humor each one possessed. While the remembrance is read, a sister who was especially close the the diseased holds a candle which is then placed on the altar.

The names of relatatives and friends who have died are also read and the litany of saints is sung. Then we process to our cemetery and each of us prays at graves of sisters who had been important in our lives.

I love this service which we have each year. Today, I feel the closeness of all the sisters who have been part of our congregation and who have led us to this moment in our congregational life.

All Saints Day

I love this feastday. It is a great day to reflect on people in our lives who were instruments of God's grace for us. Also I like to think of the various images of what a saint is that have been active in my life. I guess when I was small it was the statues that conveyed some kind of a notion of saints. They had delicate features and were solid, I might say stoic, and definitely they were pious. That image has been shattered for me as the years have passed.

I remember when I was a novice there was a statue of St. Aloysius in our study room. He may have held a lily (I'm not sure of that) but his head was back and tilted to the side, his eyes rolled to heaven, his hands folded. I do remember a day when I looked at the statue and thought it did not portray what I wanted to be. I have never been very pious even though I long to be close to God. Anyway, I think my aunt Lou is a better image of a saint for me than what that statue depicted. She was good and kind, thoughtful of others, a rabid Cincinnati Reds fan, careful with material goods, loving of children, forgiving, always concerned about my mother, generous with her time and what little she had. She did have a picture of the Sacred Heart over her mantle and there she always kept a vigil light burning. I think that if she had been short on cash, it would not have been the purchase of vigil lights that she would have forgone.

At any rate, as I think of it today, it is the gospel from this morning's mass that tells me about what a saint is--the sermon on the mount! The poor in spirit, the one who acts for justice, the one is meek and humble, etc. I hope that I can be among the blessed discribed in the gospel.

Happy Feast Day!

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Notes from Life
The other day, the woman who administers our website, gave me an email she had received from a woman who spoke of all the Sisters of Divine Providence she had known as a child and young woman. It just so happened that she was a boarder at a boarding school where I taught when I was very young. It was my first assignment. I had charge of the girl boarders as well as teaching high school math and science.

Anyway, I was surprised at all the memories it brought back. I remembered the woman quite well and lots of other things about that time in my life. I won't say that the first years of teaching or living in community are easy, but when I remembered the time it was all sorts of good things that came to me. And not just that year, but all the years. Sometimes I just go about my day and try to keep up with life, community, prayer, other relationships. But yesterday I took a little time to remember and it was gratitude that filled me.

Gratitude for the people I have met, the people who have become important in my life, the ones who have supported me (and there are many), and the ones who were comforted by my presence. My life is full of blessings. I think of how shy I was as a child and how narrow in my thinking. This religious life has been one of openning up and seeing the world anew. I am so grateful for my call and my life and how I have become who I am.

So what about discernment? It requires taking some time to look beyond the present moment with its struggles and responsibilities in order to have a long view. Where have you been and what has been the deepest longing in your heart? What is God's dream for you?

Providence
Saturday we had a meeting to hear about the summer total congregation meeting in France. The day included reports on what the various provinces of the congregation saw as the important events of the last five years and also what they saw as the direction we need to go in the future.

It was a fruitful day and one filled with hope. At the meetings in France, the discussion of the points which came from all over the world, centered on the need to live more intensely what we call our four fundamental virtues: poverty, simplicity, charity and abaondonment of Divine Providence. In terms of our ministry there was a strong emphasis on working with those who are on the margins where we are. For us that seems to be immigrants. There was a lot of discussion of "throwing in our lot" with them or sharing in whatever ways we can their life and struggles.

I find all this exciting as well as challenging.

Rainy Day
We have needed rain for a long time and today it has finally come. It is a nice gentle rain that will soak in the ground rather than run off. I am grateful. When we have this kind of day I think of the quote in Isaiah (I think it is chapter 55 or 56) about how the rain and snow come down and water the earth and do not return to God empty making the erth fruitful and providing food for the one who sows, etc. Then it ways "just so will my word be that goes forth from my mouth. It will not return to me void but will accomplish the end for which I sent it." That is so powerful. A little scary when I think of myself as a word of God that must accomplish God's end for me. But also encouraged and joyful that there is no other possibility. IT WILL ACCOMPLISH THE END.

I'm going to enjoy this day and the demand and assurance that I accomplish the end for which I am sent.

God's Call
Last night we had a gathering for women interested in exploring their call in life. Only one woman and two sisters attended, but the conversation was quite inspiring. In the course of talking about how we have experienced God's call throughout our lives, the diversity was beautiful and somewhat overwhelming. One obviously experienced God's call in the needs of others, one was more in tune with God's call in signs and dreams and one struggled to hear God's call in the midst of a great deal of busyness. This last one had a great hunger to know God in a personal way and to experience God in daily prayer.

And what about the freedom to hear God? We shared about that too. Fear keeps us from being who we are called to be. Fear of being rejected or fear of being a failure or fear of seeing our own faults or fear of not meeting the expectations of others. We hide from God as Adam and Eve did after eating the fruit. We hide and then we can't hear.

What keeps you from hearing God?

Life in a Fast Lane

I looked at the date of my last blog and wondered why it has been so long since I have shared a reflection here. It is not that life has been dull but it has been busy. There are so many things going on in the world and in life that are begging me to pause and reflect. What does the economic crisis mean? Where is God in this? What about all the election controversies? Where is God in all this?

There was a time when life seemed much simpler and at times I hanker for that. But those were also times when perhaps the simplicity was not in life but in my lack of awareness of what all was going on in life. I would not like to return to a sleep-walking existence in terms of our world and all that impacts the lives of the poor.

For me, I am hearing a call to live with less and enjoy the simple things of life. I want to trust that God will care for what is most important in my life but not necessarily provde a life of comfort. I am praying for the insight to know how to live in these troubled times. What about you?

God is in Our Midst
The last couple of days my reflections on the readings has been on the passages that refer to God being with us. I am always a bit puzzled by the passage which says that whatever two or three of us agree on and pray for will be granted. There are so many things that I have joined with others and prayed for something with great fervor and desire yet the prayers do not seem to be answered with what I would call "granted." Peace in our world is one example. Sometimes we have prayed for an increase of vocations to our community or for the healing of a dear friend who is sick.

So I ask what the words of scripture might mean. The other day while I was reflecting on the readings I noticed that the other reading was all about loving God and neighbor. Maybe this is the prayer that is most valid--the prayer asking for the grace to be more loving. Maybe all the prayers are ultimately answered if I become more loving of God and neighbor as a result of joining with others and praying for something that we all agree is good and worthy of being granted.

I am trying to recognize that the great blessing that comes from our praying together is that God is in our midst as we gather and we are all blessed with a greater capacity to love.

Today I want to recall over and over that God is here.

Final Profession
Saturday, Sr. Leslie made her final vows. It was such a glorious celebration with great music, beautiful colors in the church, a crowd of people--everything was wonderful. But I think what really gives me goose bumps is that a young, vivacious woman is brave enough to commit herself to God completely and forever. It reminded me again of what I believe but try to believe more and more everyday--God provides. I know that God will be faithful in providing whatever is needed for Leslie and all of us to be faithful to our commitments.

Church was great but the party after was just as wonderful. There were a lot of young people there and the dancing went on and on. Even those less endowed with grace and agility were up and moving. God was there in the joy and the hope and the abandon with which we all celebrated.

The gospel reading was about the visitation and I thought about how the mutual concern of women of all ages for each other was so evident in the celebrations. The word of God is growing in each of us. The spirit we share recognizes the face of God's Providential care in each. Our spirits are magnifying the Lord.