Two Dried Fish

Two dried fish (and five barley loaves) seem quite small when thousands need to be fed. But look at what can be done with small gifts that are given over to Jesus Christ. My reflections led me to think about discernment and the focus that sometimes happens in the midst of it--a focus on our own inadequacy or the smallness of our gifts. But if we hold back from following our call because we feel unworthy or inadequate, how will the crowds ever be fed?

There is a point in discernment of call when we stop looking at ourselves and look to God, when we generously offer whatever we have and know that God can use our smallness to do great things. We will not be the ones who ultimately produce the fruit alone. Focusing on ourselves at some point becomes self-centeredness and self-importance. It is not our gift that matters so much as God's power to use our gift.

The boy disappears quickly from the story. All eyes are on Jesus. But the boy did give over the fish and loaves. Without them the miracle would not have happened as it did.

Are you ready to give over your gifts and allow God to be you strength as you follow your call?

God's Abundant Gifts

Today's gospel had the phrase "He does not ration the spirit." That stays with me and encourages me. Sometimes I act as though God is stingy, holding back gifts, making demands in exchange. But God is truly not like me or other humans who hold back and expect recompense. Think of it--the fish that Peter and companions caught when they let down the net at Jesus' direction, the left overs when Jesus multiplied the loaves and fishes. Abundance is the characteristic of God's love for us--sending his son. And Jesus stays with us always in the Eucharist. Generosity even at a great cost.

Today I want to recognize God's gifts to me in the situations I meet and the people who come into my presence. I will try to see the gifts and be grateful. I also want to become more godlike--giving without expecting reward and without counting the cost.

I think that these attitudes are essential to discernment. It is essential to see how generous God has been and to be aware of the gifts we have received and the gift that we are. It is essential to be grateful and joyous. It is essential to trust that God's generosity will continue to grace us and help us live out our vocation. God will provide abundantly.

Light
Christ is the light of the world, expelling all darkness. Today, I prayed with the gospel and asked Christ to bring light into the dark places of my heart and life. It is a challenge for me to be open enough to even recognize that some of my heart is full of darkness--jealousy, anger, disappointment, etc. Today it will be important to be honest with myself about my motives and movements in order to allow Christ access to the darkness. Christ will be my light.

Fools

It is April Fools day and I am thinking of Paul's letter to the Corinthians. He was chastising those who claimed to be wise and pointing out that what looks like wisdom to the worldly wise is really foolish. What looks foolish to the world is the wisdom of Christ. For crucifixion certainly looks foolish.

So today I am thining about choices and whether at the heart of it all they are wise or foolish. Certainly the choice to follow the call of God to religious life, to consecration of the whole self to God, looks quite foolish. But it is as wise as planting the seed which seems to die so that new life can come forth.

Are you being called to something that looks foolish today?

Mary and the Angel

Mary was visited by an angel which always helps in making a decision, I would think. I have never been visited in a way that is so obvious and maybe it wasn't so clear for Mary either. At any rate, angel or not, Mary said "yes" without knowing all that her "yes" would entail. And that is the heart of discernment--being will to risk following a call without being certain about all the particulars that will follow. Trust that God will provide.

"And then the angel left her." And so it was. Mary faced the life she embarked on with her "yes" without the visible support of that angel. That's the hard part--after the journey is begun to continue trusting and continue being faithful.

Locked Doors

My reflections today were on the locked doors that Jesus bypassed in order to be with the fearful disciples. I want to desire a closer union with God but fear what it may mean. Today, I want Jesus in his Divine Mercy, to enter into the locked doors of my heart and fill me with the knowledge of his love for me. I want Jesus to bypass my locked vision and allow me to see his love and mercy in all the people and events of the day.