God's Providence

2010-02-28T11:20:00.000-08:00

Lent

Today we are on the mountain top with Jesus and his disciples. Jesus experiences the presence of God and is transfigured by it. His face is bright and his clothing are white. He is ready now to turn his face to Jerusalem and his great Exodus--through death to life. Hopefully, we awake from our sleep to see him and we are able to do as he does--journey to life. Recalling our experiences of God will help transform us into people who are able to pass through death to life.

2009-11-29T12:29:00.000-08:00

Advent
Every year Advent starts with a reading about "the sky is falling." But it is a message of hope that God is about to establish a new heaven and a new earth. I love advent and all the expectant joy of waiting. But I am not very good at waiting in my daily life. I am going to spend advent trying not to keep asking "why?" Why is the world not at peace? Why haven't we stopped global warming? Why don't we have universal health care? Why have I not managed to become the perfect teacher? Why am I not tolerant of everyone?, etc. etc. Let me spend these days trusting (and of course doing the best I can to bring about the things I hope for). The joy is in the trust and the hope.

2009-11-19T13:36:00.001-08:00

Discerning Motives
I have been teaching about the Book of Job this week in my Old Testament class. The opening is always a challenge for me. The "accuser" who interacts with God believes that Job is only righteous because he knows God will give him wonderful rewards. God seems to believe that Job is righteous purely out of love and reverence for God. And so the challenge--the bet--to find out the truth. Job proves God is right. God wins this bet. Job remains righteous even without the expected rewards.

But the passage always raises the question for me about my motivation for good moral conduct or for the choices I make. One of my students said that the question in the passage was like my asking if they study because they want to know the subject matter, or only to get a grade. The opinion seemed to be that the grade was the only reason for learning. A little disappointing.

But I got to thinking about discernment and the reason we really do want to know what God desires of us when we make our choices. Would I, would you, make a choice purely because we see it as the way to reverence and honor God? And does reverence for God always include a truly deep respect for myself as well?

2009-09-03T07:42:00.000-07:00

So many fish, why the empty nets?
I can identify with Peter. My efforts usually do not produce the abundant results I envision. Labor all day and catch nothing is a familar feeling. So the gospel spoke to me about what I can do and what God can do. Trust. Trust. Trust. It is the call for the day. And be amazed at what God does. I'll try to do that today and then to leave all my own efforts in God's hands and follow.

2009-09-02T13:14:00.000-07:00

Discerning where God Calls Me
I been thinking about how the things I desrie most in life require me to let go of some of my self-centeredness. I most want to love and be loved. Yet I hate being vulnerable. I don't especially like to risk either. So there you are. There is no way to allow myself to be in loving relationship without risking being hurt or losing some of my ability to do whatever I want, whenever I want and however I want. This is true of wanting to love God as well. Risk! and Accept being vulnerable. It is a great ride and an amazing journey.

2009-03-14T11:43:00.000-07:00

Remembering and Forgetting
It seems God only remembers us as a beautiful and lovable creation. God forgets all the things about us that we tend to remember about ourselves as faulty or failing in many ways. Do we all focus on our shortcomings and dwell or what seems like failure in our lives? Do we all find it hard to love ourselves? God's love is amazing and eternal.

2009-03-13T06:19:00.000-07:00

Joseph and the Dream Coat
The reflection I read this morning about Joseph (of the amazing technicolor dream coat) talked about his ability to live without resentment or vengence. He did not try to get even with his brothers who sold him or the pharaoh who had him imprisoned unjustly. He seemed to do whatever needed to be done to promote the wellbeing of those around him. That is admirable. I hope to emulate that attitude.

2009-03-12T06:18:00.000-07:00

A Day of Prayer
Taking a day to pray is a good thing, but I do not have time to put aside my "do list" for the day. So I am going to try to do everything in a prayerful way today. Trying to figure out what that means, though. I will have to concentrate pretty hard on the tasks of the day. Maybe I can just be aware of why I am doing what I am doing. Good question, "why?". Right now I am resolving to do everything for the glory of God. I am going to renew that resolve each time I start a new task today. Ah. Lent. It is calling me to a center.

2009-03-11T07:01:00.000-07:00

Lenten Practices
It has been such a long time since I blogged. I have been far too busy. If lent is to be a time of renewal, I think my resolve must be to take more time for reflection and spend less time fretting about what is and what is not finished. I am praying that I can be more reflective and also more patient with persons and things.

2008-12-08T08:10:00.000-08:00

Mary
Advent seems like a time of busyness even though I always decide at the beginning that I will spend more quiet time in an attitute of expectant waiting. This feast of Mary is a wake up call reminding me that I have not stopped to be attentive. I know that Mary did not live in a calm time but one of oppression for her people and of turbulent politics, yet she was quiet enough to hear a call from God--a call that would cost her much and a call she did not understand. But she was quiet enough to hear and trusting enough in God's promises to say, "yes."

Today I want my Advent to be one of quiet expectation that God will fulfill all promises and that I can cooperate in that adventure. I want to listen and wait.

2008-11-10T10:01:00.000-08:00

Economy
I sometimes wonder what is happening in our lives in terms of the measures we have taken to be able to care for our elderly sisters. It has never been luxury we have aimed for, just the ability to provide for basic needs. Now with the great drop in the stock market and the value of retirement funds, I wonder how we will be able to manage. It is not that I spend time worrying, because I do believe that God provides for our needs in ways that are best for us and I trust that whatever happens God will be with us. However, somewhere deep inside, I am feeling that we should be rewarded or at least protected because we have sacrificed in order to be responsible for our elderly sisters. And there is that lesson I come to over and over again--life is not a series of rewards for good behavior but a series of acts of love and trust without specific expectations.

My other thoughts are around what I meant by my vow of poverty. I didn't think much about the future in terms of money or care in sickness and old age, but I did mean that I was willing to live with whatever was my lot as a sister. I really meant that I would be content with little and not live in luxury. It will take some adjustment in my view of the future as I give myself once again into the hands of our Provident God.

What does this teach me about discernment? That decisions are not made because of the certainty of a specific future, but are made with a deep trust and love for a God who provides.

2008-11-03T05:55:00.000-08:00

All Souls Day

Yesterday we had our annual remembrance of the Sisters of Divine Providence who have died since last November 2. There were six to remember. During the Vespers service, the names of those six were read along with a remembrance of them. The sister who writes these remembrances always captures some small thing about each of them that makes it seem like they are actually there in a warm and caring way. Often the reflections bring a smile to our faces as we recall the caring nature of each of them and the particular sense of humor each one possessed. While the remembrance is read, a sister who was especially close the the diseased holds a candle which is then placed on the altar.

The names of relatatives and friends who have died are also read and the litany of saints is sung. Then we process to our cemetery and each of us prays at graves of sisters who had been important in our lives.

I love this service which we have each year. Today, I feel the closeness of all the sisters who have been part of our congregation and who have led us to this moment in our congregational life.

2008-11-01T07:31:00.000-07:00

All Saints Day

I love this feastday. It is a great day to reflect on people in our lives who were instruments of God's grace for us. Also I like to think of the various images of what a saint is that have been active in my life. I guess when I was small it was the statues that conveyed some kind of a notion of saints. They had delicate features and were solid, I might say stoic, and definitely they were pious. That image has been shattered for me as the years have passed.

I remember when I was a novice there was a statue of St. Aloysius in our study room. He may have held a lily (I'm not sure of that) but his head was back and tilted to the side, his eyes rolled to heaven, his hands folded. I do remember a day when I looked at the statue and thought it did not portray what I wanted to be. I have never been very pious even though I long to be close to God. Anyway, I think my aunt Lou is a better image of a saint for me than what that statue depicted. She was good and kind, thoughtful of others, a rabid Cincinnati Reds fan, careful with material goods, loving of children, forgiving, always concerned about my mother, generous with her time and what little she had. She did have a picture of the Sacred Heart over her mantle and there she always kept a vigil light burning. I think that if she had been short on cash, it would not have been the purchase of vigil lights that she would have forgone.

At any rate, as I think of it today, it is the gospel from this morning's mass that tells me about what a saint is--the sermon on the mount! The poor in spirit, the one who acts for justice, the one is meek and humble, etc. I hope that I can be among the blessed discribed in the gospel.

Happy Feast Day!

2008-10-31T10:38:00.000-07:00

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2008-10-30T12:52:00.000-07:00

Notes from Life
The other day, the woman who administers our website, gave me an email she had received from a woman who spoke of all the Sisters of Divine Providence she had known as a child and young woman. It just so happened that she was a boarder at a boarding school where I taught when I was very young. It was my first assignment. I had charge of the girl boarders as well as teaching high school math and science.

Anyway, I was surprised at all the memories it brought back. I remembered the woman quite well and lots of other things about that time in my life. I won't say that the first years of teaching or living in community are easy, but when I remembered the time it was all sorts of good things that came to me. And not just that year, but all the years. Sometimes I just go about my day and try to keep up with life, community, prayer, other relationships. But yesterday I took a little time to remember and it was gratitude that filled me.

Gratitude for the people I have met, the people who have become important in my life, the ones who have supported me (and there are many), and the ones who were comforted by my presence. My life is full of blessings. I think of how shy I was as a child and how narrow in my thinking. This religious life has been one of openning up and seeing the world anew. I am so grateful for my call and my life and how I have become who I am.

So what about discernment? It requires taking some time to look beyond the present moment with its struggles and responsibilities in order to have a long view. Where have you been and what has been the deepest longing in your heart? What is God's dream for you?

2008-10-27T06:37:00.000-07:00

Providence
Saturday we had a meeting to hear about the summer total congregation meeting in France. The day included reports on what the various provinces of the congregation saw as the important events of the last five years and also what they saw as the direction we need to go in the future.

It was a fruitful day and one filled with hope. At the meetings in France, the discussion of the points which came from all over the world, centered on the need to live more intensely what we call our four fundamental virtues: poverty, simplicity, charity and abaondonment of Divine Providence. In terms of our ministry there was a strong emphasis on working with those who are on the margins where we are. For us that seems to be immigrants. There was a lot of discussion of "throwing in our lot" with them or sharing in whatever ways we can their life and struggles.

I find all this exciting as well as challenging.

2008-10-24T08:15:00.000-07:00

Rainy Day
We have needed rain for a long time and today it has finally come. It is a nice gentle rain that will soak in the ground rather than run off. I am grateful. When we have this kind of day I think of the quote in Isaiah (I think it is chapter 55 or 56) about how the rain and snow come down and water the earth and do not return to God empty making the erth fruitful and providing food for the one who sows, etc. Then it ways "just so will my word be that goes forth from my mouth. It will not return to me void but will accomplish the end for which I sent it." That is so powerful. A little scary when I think of myself as a word of God that must accomplish God's end for me. But also encouraged and joyful that there is no other possibility. IT WILL ACCOMPLISH THE END.

I'm going to enjoy this day and the demand and assurance that I accomplish the end for which I am sent.

2008-10-20T06:05:00.000-07:00

God's Call
Last night we had a gathering for women interested in exploring their call in life. Only one woman and two sisters attended, but the conversation was quite inspiring. In the course of talking about how we have experienced God's call throughout our lives, the diversity was beautiful and somewhat overwhelming. One obviously experienced God's call in the needs of others, one was more in tune with God's call in signs and dreams and one struggled to hear God's call in the midst of a great deal of busyness. This last one had a great hunger to know God in a personal way and to experience God in daily prayer.

And what about the freedom to hear God? We shared about that too. Fear keeps us from being who we are called to be. Fear of being rejected or fear of being a failure or fear of seeing our own faults or fear of not meeting the expectations of others. We hide from God as Adam and Eve did after eating the fruit. We hide and then we can't hear.

What keeps you from hearing God?

2008-10-18T10:39:00.000-07:00

Life in a Fast Lane

I looked at the date of my last blog and wondered why it has been so long since I have shared a reflection here. It is not that life has been dull but it has been busy. There are so many things going on in the world and in life that are begging me to pause and reflect. What does the economic crisis mean? Where is God in this? What about all the election controversies? Where is God in all this?

There was a time when life seemed much simpler and at times I hanker for that. But those were also times when perhaps the simplicity was not in life but in my lack of awareness of what all was going on in life. I would not like to return to a sleep-walking existence in terms of our world and all that impacts the lives of the poor.

For me, I am hearing a call to live with less and enjoy the simple things of life. I want to trust that God will care for what is most important in my life but not necessarily provde a life of comfort. I am praying for the insight to know how to live in these troubled times. What about you?

2008-09-08T06:05:00.000-07:00

God is in Our Midst
The last couple of days my reflections on the readings has been on the passages that refer to God being with us. I am always a bit puzzled by the passage which says that whatever two or three of us agree on and pray for will be granted. There are so many things that I have joined with others and prayed for something with great fervor and desire yet the prayers do not seem to be answered with what I would call "granted." Peace in our world is one example. Sometimes we have prayed for an increase of vocations to our community or for the healing of a dear friend who is sick.

So I ask what the words of scripture might mean. The other day while I was reflecting on the readings I noticed that the other reading was all about loving God and neighbor. Maybe this is the prayer that is most valid--the prayer asking for the grace to be more loving. Maybe all the prayers are ultimately answered if I become more loving of God and neighbor as a result of joining with others and praying for something that we all agree is good and worthy of being granted.

I am trying to recognize that the great blessing that comes from our praying together is that God is in our midst as we gather and we are all blessed with a greater capacity to love.

Today I want to recall over and over that God is here.

2008-09-01T07:49:00.000-07:00

Final Profession
Saturday, Sr. Leslie made her final vows. It was such a glorious celebration with great music, beautiful colors in the church, a crowd of people--everything was wonderful. But I think what really gives me goose bumps is that a young, vivacious woman is brave enough to commit herself to God completely and forever. It reminded me again of what I believe but try to believe more and more everyday--God provides. I know that God will be faithful in providing whatever is needed for Leslie and all of us to be faithful to our commitments.

Church was great but the party after was just as wonderful. There were a lot of young people there and the dancing went on and on. Even those less endowed with grace and agility were up and moving. God was there in the joy and the hope and the abandon with which we all celebrated.

The gospel reading was about the visitation and I thought about how the mutual concern of women of all ages for each other was so evident in the celebrations. The word of God is growing in each of us. The spirit we share recognizes the face of God's Providential care in each. Our spirits are magnifying the Lord.

2008-08-31T10:44:00.000-07:00

Jeremiah is Right On
Jeremiah hit home for me today. I know what it is like to have great expectations and then discover that I had set my sights on something that was not the ultimate good, that was not God. Then I feel duped. Maybe Jeremiah was convinced that if he really said the things God wanted him to say, no matter how difficult, people would respond and would respect him. What he discovered was that being a prophet was neither glorious not successful in human terms.

Peter learned that too. Today, he was probably thinking that Jesus had given him the keys and that life would be one long stretch of glory. Well, responsibility but also respect and success. He did not like to hear that there would be moments of suffering, misunderstanding, etc. But such is the life of the follower of Christ.

Jeremiah lived long before Christ, but he is a sort of prototype of what the Messiah would be. One whose success is not measured in human terms.

So what does all this have to do with vocation. First, vocation is a search for our true self and the word of God that dwells in the very center of our being. We are called to live that word no matter where it leads. Second, following our vocation is a great joy but it is not always the easiest way in terms of comfort or what the culture in which we live calls "success."

I pray that I will be faithful and that I will continue to experience the joy of responding in both moments of pain and moments of delight.

2008-08-29T06:31:00.000-07:00

Anniversary

Today is the anniversary of the day I made my first vows as a Sister of Divine Providence and also of the day I made my final vows five years after that. So I am thankful today for all God's faithfulness to me and to our congregation. We are fewer in number than we were when I made my vows and we are older. But somehow the witness of our lives seems stronger today than when we were many.

Today in his homily our chaplain mentioned that he had been at the dinner in which grants from the diocesan appeal are given to those who work with the poorest people in our diocese. Two of our sisters received grants. It made me feel very grateful to God that we reach out today to the poor in even more profound ways than in the past. We did, of course, always teach in some of the poorest areas of the diocese. Now we are present as pastoral ministers and social workers among the poor.

Pray that God will continue to give us the grace and courage to reach out to those who need our assistance in order to know that God provides for them with tender love.

2008-08-27T05:59:00.000-07:00

Vocation
I've been thinking a lot about discernment. What does it really mean to be a disciple? The readings have been talking about work--that we must. But also about how the work we do and how we look as a result--zealous or pius or successful--are not what counts, but what is on the inside. Discipleship seems simple on the one hand--just keep your eyes on Christ and bring your heart in accord with his (well, simple but not easy). On the other hand it seems complicated--making dicisions that are counter to values that are all around us.

What helps do I need to be a disciple? What life choices will facilitate my being a disciple? With whom do I need to associate myself?

What are you doing about discernment?

2008-08-26T13:46:00.000-07:00

A Good Day
It has been a very good day--nice cool weather, students who remembered what we went over in the last class, a long lunch with other faculty members. It seems so small but I know that God is providing me some comfort after a couple difficult days. So I am grateful and longing for a deeper connection with a God who is tender and caring.

2008-08-25T06:19:00.000-07:00

Recalling...

Yesterday we had a high school class reunion. I found it exhilarating to be with these women. In some ways I think high school may be wasted on teenagers. I remember hanging out with just a few of the women (girls then) and being too shy to interact with those who were not very much like me. Now I see what wonderful people they are and wonder why I was afraid to form bonds will more of them when I was a teenager. Why didn't I see the marvel of God's love in each of them and appreciate their goodness and what they had to offer the world?

Maybe this growing to see the wonder of all the people in my life is part of the wisdom promised as we age. I hope so. I hope I grow in wisdom today and tomorrow and everyday.

2008-08-23T07:31:00.000-07:00

Foundation Day

Today is the anniversary of the Sisters of Divine Providence arriving in Kentucky, August 23, 1889 . At the motherhouse in France there had been discernment for some months about who would come. Forty sisters volunteered. Four were chosen, in the end three came. They left France by boat for the long journey to New York.

Probably because of our spirituality which is definitely colored by trust in God's tender care, they were told by their superiors, "We will get you to New York. From there make your way to Kentucky." Perhaps, they were not aware of the distance or of travel in the States compared to travel in Europe. The bishop of Covington had arranged to accept the sisters and had sisters of St. Francis of the Poor meet them in New York and help them get to Covington, Kentucky--their destination. As they crossed the bridge from Cincinnati, Ohio to Covington, Kentucky on August 23 the angelus was ringing from a church tower in Covington. When they arrived the Sisters of St. Francis of the Poor gave them a home until the bishop arranged for them to purchase what was known as the "Jones Mansion" in Newport, Kentucky.

They arrived there by horse drawn carriage. The house was atop a large hill which the horses refused to climb. One of the sisters got out and blessed the ground with holy water at which the horses began to gallop up the hill. Thus, began the first convent, Mount Saint Martin, where the sisters lived and flourished.

What a happy feast for all of us Sisters of Divine Providence.

2008-08-15T06:21:00.000-07:00

The feast of the Assumption of Mary.
What hope for us, for our life with God. This feast reminds me that my body will share the joy of heaven. This morning in his homily our chaplain suggested that we pray the litany of Mary and take a few minutes with each of the lines. Mary, hope of Christians; Ark of the Covenant, Refuge of Sinners, Comforter of the Afflicted. I am trying to think of them and find one that speaks to me today. Maybe, Virgin, Most Faithful. Some days all I can do is try to be faithful. I often want success and forget that only fidelity is within my control and only fidelity is required of me.

I am so far behind in my work and anxious about getting caught up. I must remind myself today that I can only keep trucking with fidelity and let the rest to God.

2008-08-14T11:29:00.000-07:00

Jet Lag
I just returned from about a month in France where I was a delegate to our general chapter. We elected a new superior general and also discussed the future orientations for the whole congregation. It was a challenging time because of some struggles with language and culture. There were sisters from France, Madagascar and the U.S. as well as sisters who have been missionaries for many years in Ecuador and Mali. There were also sisters from Poland.

Mostly I was amazed at the way in which our spirit of abandoning ourselves to God's Providence is so alive in so many places. There is a definite movement among us back to the zeal of our beginnings and a great desire to be among the most excluded of God's people.

What an uplift.

2008-04-28T07:05:00.000-07:00

Come Holy Spirit

In preparing for Pentecost I always find myself storming heaven with the request that the Holy Spirit be poured abundantly into my heart and into the hearts of all those God is calling to consecrate their lives to him as Sisters of Divine Providence. Sometimes I feel the warmth of the spirit in my heart as I pray. The thought of receiving the very spirit of God and having that spirit be the source of my life is overwhelming. I am praying for all who read this blog. Come Holy Spirit.

2008-04-19T08:13:00.000-07:00

Show us the Father

I am very much like the disciples in today's gospel. I keep asking to see more clearly. "Show us the Father." And I don't always get the answer Jesus gives. "If you have seen me, you have seen the Father." And then I want to know where I have seen Jesus. It is hard to accept what I know is the answer--in all those I meet and in every circumstance of my life. At this point that is consoling but also disappointing. I am grateful that the opportunities to see and respond to Jesus are so near and so abundant. But I am disappointed that they are so ordinary and still not as clear as I would like. This is part of the struggle of discernment. Figuring out just what is being revealed in all those ordinary events of life.

I conclude that it will take much practice over a long time for me to begin to have clarity about what others are calling me to and what others are revealing about the path God has for me. It will take many moments of prayerful reflection on the events of my day and my history before I have even a modicum of clarity. Patience and fidelity are part of the discernment process and also being able to accept some fogginess. It will still take trust to respond. I would like the kind of clarity that leave no room for risk.

2008-04-17T10:48:00.000-07:00

God in My History

The section of Acts of the Apostles which we read today, includes a history of the people of Isreal with the intent of seeing God acting in it and preparing for the coming of Christ. We could probably do a review of our personal history in the same way--with a view to seeing how God has been providing for us and preparing us for this moment from the very beginning. This would be a good exercise for discernment--a survey of all the moments of my life, in the presence of Christ. How has God been acting and where is God calling me now in view of what has been going on in my life?

2008-04-16T07:00:00.000-07:00

Light

John's gospel asks us to consider whether we are light or darkness in the world, whether we move toward and move others toward faith or toward rejection of the gospel message. Jesus is the light of the world. How can I reflect that light today?

2008-04-13T12:23:00.000-07:00

Sheep

The shepherd knows the name of each of his sheep and the sheep know the voice of the shepherd. Works out very neatly. This moving gospel story appeals to me. It sets up such a fine and effective relationship--like the depth of love that contributes so completely to the wellbeing of each of those involved.

Don't we all long to have someone know us and love us for who we are--as the theme song from "Cheers" imples? It captured something so true. And here we are with a gospel story that says there is someone who knows our name--knows us to the depth of our being--and loves us so much that we can hear the care he has when he speaks our name. If we could only trust him, as sheep trust the one who faithfully feeds them. All day I have been relishing the thought that I am loved and cared for by this good shepherd. And all day I have been wishing I could clearly hear that voice calling me and that I would have the courage to respond with complete love and selflessness.

Two things essential for discernment are knowing that we are loved and trusting the one who calls. Without those we would be too fearful to listen and to respond. Prayer will help us grow in both these essentials.

2008-04-08T06:05:00.000-07:00

Still Asking for a Sign

Now I can really identify with the people who are speaking with Jesus in the gospel. He told them in yesterday's gospel that they seek him not because they saw the sign but because they ate the bread and were filled.

If they saw Jesus multiply the loaves what sign did they not see? Yesterday, I reflected on the signs I ask for when I want to be assured of God's love for me or that I am on the right path. Today, I am aware of how much I do not see and how much I continue to ask for the same sign over and over. The people who saw Jesus mulitply the loaves and who ate their fill, now ask Jesus again for a sign. The sign they ask for is one like the one Moses did in the desert when they had bread miraculously and ate their fill. Isn't that the sign they just saw? How come they don't see it?

I keep asking to be fed in various ways. I am like this crowd of people. Jesus tells them that he is the bread. That doesn't seem to be enough for them or for me. Jesus says that if they accept him and eat this bread they will never be hungry again. Now that would be a sign--never to hunger again. I claim to believe in Jesus, I receive Jesus in the Eucharist. But I am always hungering for more evidence that I am loved. Obviously I do not really see the sign.

Today, I want to be aware of all the hungers that haunt me and keep me from seeing that Jesus is present in my life and that there is no need to long for any other sign.

2008-04-07T07:59:00.000-07:00

Signs
Jesus told the people who found him after he multiplied the loaves and fed them that they sought him not because they saw the sign but because they ate and were filled. I have been thinking about what it means to see the sign. They saw him multiply the loaves. They knew that they were fed. What else were they supposed to see? What am I supposed to be seeing?

I do seek signs all the time. I want to have confirmation of the fact that God loves me and that I am on the right path and that the choice I am considering at any moment is the right one. But I think what I am looking for is seeing multiplications and being filled. A good reflection for the day might be to ponder whether, without the bread and the being filled, I can know that God is present and that the power of God's love and fidelity fills the earth. Can I have faith and trust in the midst of what seems arid?

Of this I am sure--God provides the sign. What is lacking is the faith that sees the sign without the kind of rewards I often seek.

2008-04-06T11:02:00.000-07:00

On the Road

Two disceples are on the way to Emmaus and Jesus joins them. They are so disappointed about the happenings of the last days--Jesus' death, the empty tomb, etc.--that they do not recognize Jesus. Isn't that typical of our lives? We have so many concerns that we forget the scriptures that have spoken to us, the beliefs we have about life, the nurishment we receive from community and so many other things. We do not even recognize the guidance God sends in our everyday journeying.

Today, I asked myself what it would take to open my eyes. Have you ever had your eyes opened to the truth that was always before you? How did it happen?

The other thought I have is around "Were not our hearts burning within us when he spoke to us on the way?" There have indeed been times when the scriptures have spoken to me in a way that truly moved my heart. I think it is important to remember occasionally what those passages (or maybe it is events) were and to go back and recapture the moments.

God provides what we need to come to see and to love.

2008-04-04T11:07:00.000-07:00

Two Dried Fish

Two dried fish (and five barley loaves) seem quite small when thousands need to be fed. But look at what can be done with small gifts that are given over to Jesus Christ. My reflections led me to think about discernment and the focus that sometimes happens in the midst of it--a focus on our own inadequacy or the smallness of our gifts. But if we hold back from following our call because we feel unworthy or inadequate, how will the crowds ever be fed?

There is a point in discernment of call when we stop looking at ourselves and look to God, when we generously offer whatever we have and know that God can use our smallness to do great things. We will not be the ones who ultimately produce the fruit alone. Focusing on ourselves at some point becomes self-centeredness and self-importance. It is not our gift that matters so much as God's power to use our gift.

The boy disappears quickly from the story. All eyes are on Jesus. But the boy did give over the fish and loaves. Without them the miracle would not have happened as it did.

Are you ready to give over your gifts and allow God to be you strength as you follow your call?

2008-04-03T06:50:00.000-07:00

God's Abundant Gifts

Today's gospel had the phrase "He does not ration the spirit." That stays with me and encourages me. Sometimes I act as though God is stingy, holding back gifts, making demands in exchange. But God is truly not like me or other humans who hold back and expect recompense. Think of it--the fish that Peter and companions caught when they let down the net at Jesus' direction, the left overs when Jesus multiplied the loaves and fishes. Abundance is the characteristic of God's love for us--sending his son. And Jesus stays with us always in the Eucharist. Generosity even at a great cost.

Today I want to recognize God's gifts to me in the situations I meet and the people who come into my presence. I will try to see the gifts and be grateful. I also want to become more godlike--giving without expecting reward and without counting the cost.

I think that these attitudes are essential to discernment. It is essential to see how generous God has been and to be aware of the gifts we have received and the gift that we are. It is essential to be grateful and joyous. It is essential to trust that God's generosity will continue to grace us and help us live out our vocation. God will provide abundantly.

2008-04-02T07:27:00.000-07:00

Light
Christ is the light of the world, expelling all darkness. Today, I prayed with the gospel and asked Christ to bring light into the dark places of my heart and life. It is a challenge for me to be open enough to even recognize that some of my heart is full of darkness--jealousy, anger, disappointment, etc. Today it will be important to be honest with myself about my motives and movements in order to allow Christ access to the darkness. Christ will be my light.

2008-04-01T05:38:00.000-07:00

Fools

It is April Fools day and I am thinking of Paul's letter to the Corinthians. He was chastising those who claimed to be wise and pointing out that what looks like wisdom to the worldly wise is really foolish. What looks foolish to the world is the wisdom of Christ. For crucifixion certainly looks foolish.

So today I am thining about choices and whether at the heart of it all they are wise or foolish. Certainly the choice to follow the call of God to religious life, to consecration of the whole self to God, looks quite foolish. But it is as wise as planting the seed which seems to die so that new life can come forth.

Are you being called to something that looks foolish today?

2008-03-31T12:00:00.000-07:00

Mary and the Angel

Mary was visited by an angel which always helps in making a decision, I would think. I have never been visited in a way that is so obvious and maybe it wasn't so clear for Mary either. At any rate, angel or not, Mary said "yes" without knowing all that her "yes" would entail. And that is the heart of discernment--being will to risk following a call without being certain about all the particulars that will follow. Trust that God will provide.

"And then the angel left her." And so it was. Mary faced the life she embarked on with her "yes" without the visible support of that angel. That's the hard part--after the journey is begun to continue trusting and continue being faithful.

2008-03-30T13:12:00.001-07:00

Locked Doors

My reflections today were on the locked doors that Jesus bypassed in order to be with the fearful disciples. I want to desire a closer union with God but fear what it may mean. Today, I want Jesus in his Divine Mercy, to enter into the locked doors of my heart and fill me with the knowledge of his love for me. I want Jesus to bypass my locked vision and allow me to see his love and mercy in all the people and events of the day.

2008-03-29T12:18:00.001-07:00

Acts of the Apostles

The readings from Acts of the Apostles are wonderful. I am always elated to hear of the power and the healing miracles of the disciples who experienced the Risen Christ present with them. Sometime I ask why we do not still see such wonders, why my faith does not bring the same kind of results. But then the gospel readings have been about the disciples who seem to be looking for Jesus in the wrong places--among the dead, in empty tombs. Maybe I am looking for the signs of Christ, risen and present in the wrond places. Today I will try to alert to the wonders of grace in the people and situations I meet.

2008-03-27T13:51:00.001-07:00

Easter Week is a favorite time for me. I love the readings from Acts of the Apostles with all the signs of the power and presence of Christ. I identify with the persons in the gospels too who are sometimes looking for Jesus in the wrong places--among the dead. I must admit that when I read about Peter and the other apostles working miracles, I ask the question of why we are not still able to work such wonders. There are many good things I desire and I want to be able to pray for them to happen and then to see them happen. Today I am trying to let go of the desire to produce what I want and to rest in the presence of the risen savior. I want to let that be enough.

2008-03-22T08:32:00.000-07:00

Today is Holy Saturday. Our morning prayer included a reading from "A Woman Wrapped in Silence." It stays with me. The image of Mary walking toward the temple and seeing a solitary cross on a hill. What must have her pain have been! Tramatic events are not easily forgotten. The remembrance of many details often come back into our imagination no matter how hard we try to move on.

The reading continues and speaks of a woman who knows that the cross is the "past" and the future lies ahead. She can continue to believe in the promises in spite of her pain. I am not always able to do that myself.

Today I await the courage to face life with the kind of hope that Mary had and I await as well the new life of Easter which I know lies ahead.

2007-10-15T09:14:00.000-07:00

Sunday's gospel was about ten lepers who were cured. Only one returned to give thanks. I have thought about this in terms of discernment. What role does gratitude play in discernment? Or maybe the question is, what role does awareness of the gifts I have received play?

We all have many gifts and receive many graces. But I, for one, take little time to reflect on the source of the many blessings in my life. I take things for granted. I am more aware of what I lack and more apt to be asking for help than recognizing what I have received. To look at call and where I am called to be by God, takes some awareness of where I have been and how I have gotten to where I am. The ten were made clean. The direction of all their lives was changed. But for one the direction of his life was changed in more profound ways than merely being able to rejoin the community and lead a normal life. For this one there was a new awareness of where his well-being came from. His heart was turned to gratitude. His outlook become more other centered.

Discernment involves being able to take my focus off of myself and my own inner workings. To listen to God's call, I need to look outside myself and also see what I have as gift. Gratitude is an outward movement that is essential to the process of discernment.

What gifts am I experiencing today for which I can express gratitude?

2007-10-13T09:48:00.000-07:00

In today's gospel someone in the crowd says to Jesus, "Blessed is the womb that bore you." Jesus replies that blessing belongs to those who hear the Word of God and keep it. I have been thinking about what this all says about vocation and discernment. The vocation piece is somewhat obvious. Our vocation is to listen to the word of God and obey. Easy to say. But how?

Jesus is the Word of God and the essence of every vocation is in being a disciple of Jesus, obeying God as Jesus did. But how? And what does that mean in the concrete of my daily life? I like to think about my very being as a word that God is speaking. I am a word of God and God is right now speaking me. If Jesus is THE Word of God, then somewhere in Jesus is the limited word that I am. I am in Jesus. There is something about Jesus that I am to reveal in my life, in my actions, in the person I become through my decisions. So the first thing that is important in determining who I am to become as a word of God, is to be attentive daily to the scriptures, to listen and find out what it is about Jesus that is especially attractive, to hear how my being resonates with the life of Jesus. In that I will find my call.

When Jesus says that praise is due to the one who listens to God's word and heeds it, he is saying that the most important thing about Mary is her bringing the Word of God into the world. It is even more important than the physical birth of her child Jesus. And indeed, she listened to the messenger of God and said, "Yes." All of us can look back on our lives and see many accomplishments of which we are proud and worthy of praise. What is essential in our discernment is to see what in those events speaks to us of God. Do we hear a call in those accomplishments? Do they reveal something of God--of the Word of God and of ourselves as a word of God?

Reflecting on our life as containing a message from God is an important part of discernment. Where have I been? What have I been doing? Where is God in all of that? Do I see who am am called to become? How can I best become the word God speaks when God speaks me?

2007-10-06T12:01:00.000-07:00

It continues to be very warm and not at all as October weather ought to be. I am trying to find the message in this unusually warm weather. God does speak to us in all that we encounter. What is God saying this October? I still remember a poem from a little book we used in elementary school when I was a child. I think it was the fourth grade book called "Voyages in English." It had a poem about autumn that captured the beauty of the falling leaves and the wonderful colors. So I expect that in October. Cool breezes, a fresh smell, wonderful colors, the sound of the leaves rustling down. I miss it.

Maybe the message is that beauty is to be found in what is given not what is expected. I wonder how often I try to box God in and tell God how things are supposed to be.

The message I am finding today is that God is bigger than my expectations and God's blessings are not necessarily what I think they are. This seems important for discernment. I look for answers from God and think I know how they will come. The answers are in the way the day is. We have to open our eyes.

2007-08-17T09:57:00.000-07:00

Who is God?
One of the most important players in the discernment process is God. Of course. But who is God? Is God someone who has an blue print of what I should do, hides it from me and says "aha, you missed finding it so you will not get the reward."? If that is how I image God, I have a very hard time discerning. I know how I feel when a friend decides I should know what she wants when she doesn't tell me. You have probably had the experience of not doing what someone wants when they gave no indication of what they wanted and then had to deal with their anger that you did not do what they wanted. That is not who God is. God is more like the friend who loves you no matter what you do but is honest with you about your strengths and weaknesses. When we see God this way, we can relax while we are discerning. And that is a great benefit to the discernment process.

2007-08-08T08:07:00.000-07:00

Called?
Sometimes when we are considering a call we wonder if we are just avoiding something we don't like. Are we trying to escape from something frightening or unpleasant, or are we really moving toward a positive choice? God works in all of the ordinary events and movements of our hearts. There may be some element of moving away from when we move toward religious life. For example, we may want to move away from consumerism or individualism and see religious life as a necessary support for that in our life. The question is are we ONLY running away from something. Life's motivations are always mixed. That is part of being human and God accepts our humanity.

2007-07-29T11:35:00.000-07:00

The readings today are pretty powerful in talking about how to pray. Abrahan exhibits boldness, calling God to be faithful to his promise of mercy and justice. Jesus tells us to call God by familiar and tender names. His words also tell us to be persistent. I am sometimes bold but find it more difficult to maintain the sense of God's tender nearness and I definitely do not have the patience to keep asking with persistence. I like quick results.

2007-07-28T06:57:00.000-07:00

Today's gospel was about letting the weeds grow with the wheat till the harvest. It set me to thinking about our rush to have answers in the discernment process. Can we be patient enough to relax and believe that God will care for the outcome if we are faithful to the process?

Johannes Baptist Metz in a little book, Poverty of Spirit, talks about the innate poverty of being human. We are never complete. Much as we long to know definitively who we are and where we are going, it is the nature of being human that we are never finished becoming or arriving. I think that has implications for discernment. There is an urge in us to "be there" to be finished and know with certainty the path for the journey. We can know that the end is union with God, but the path is determined day by day in the choices we make. We are not finished and we cannot have the kind of certitude we want. That is what it is to be human. And since Jesus accepted being human, it is a good sign that we should too.

2007-07-27T10:23:00.000-07:00

Take a few minutes to breath. That is what I am telling myself today. Life seems rushed.

Discernment--it takes breathing time. Relax into choices. Relax into God's love. Rest there and you will find direction.

2007-07-26T06:19:00.000-07:00

Good morning all. It is a beautiful day, though we do need rain. Today is a wonderful feast day for the Sisters of Divine Providence in the U.S. Our provincial house here in Melbourne, Kentucky is St. Anne Convent. Our founder, Jean Martin Moye, had a number of devotions that were dear to him and that he passed on to us. Probably the most prominent was a devotion to the passion of our Lord. Among the Saints he revered were St. Joseph, St. Anne and Mary.

We do celebrate feastdays well. There as no morning Mass today (so an opportunity to sleep in). We will have Mass at 4:30 PM and then a festive dinner together. The sisters who live in the area will all come together. I am looking forward to all of this.

2007-07-25T11:46:00.001-07:00

Discernment Opportunities
Sometimes when we are making a major choice or trying to determine how God is calling us to live out our commitment, we can get into a rut in our own minds--going round and round and getting nowhere except back to the place where we started. Sometimes, saying out loud what is going on in our heads and hearts helps us more a step forward. Even better is saying these things aloud to someone else. Feedback helps. What someone else hears us saying can be very insightful.So...If you are going round and round about how God is calling you--to married life, single life or life as a vowed religious, here is a great opportunity.An Evening of Discernment at St. Anne Convent/Moye Spiritual Life Center on September 6, 2007. We will begin at 7 PM and end at 11 PM. Why not join us. Contact Sr. Fidelis Tracy CDP at vocation@cdpkentucky.org

2007-07-25T11:40:00.000-07:00

What are your thoughts today about God's will? I like to think about it as very different from our human will which we often associate with willfullness. God's will is huge. It allows for us to make any choice and then in that space where the choice lands us, opens up for us a million more ways for us to find God, see God, love God and come to union with God.

St. Catherine described it as an abyss of love enfolding us in nothing but mercy.

Search for God's will. Do. But remember it is always opening up rather than closing the way for us and is surrounds us with love.

2007-07-25T11:31:00.000-07:00

Today is beautiful. The readings for Mass gave pause for thought. The mother of James and John had something she wanted for them and was bold enough to speak up for it. Jesus answers them instead of her so I suppose they put her up to it. Usually when I meditate on that reading I focus on how difficult it must have been for Jesus. He had just told them about how he would suffer and they do not commiserate in anyway but go right on thinking of themselves.

Today, though, I prayed about being bold enough to express my desires to Jesus and to God. There are things I do want and sometimes find it difficult to admit those wants. So this morning I asked God for a lot of things--small and large with confidence that God will give me whatever I need and not the things that would not be helpful for my union with God.

I also spent a little time with the first reading--about being earthen vessels. It is truly okay to be human and have human weaknesses. As the reading so eloquently said, that weakness of ours makes it all the more clear that any glory belongs to God. Jesus shared our humanness so would we reject it by insisting on being infinite and flawless?

For today, I'm going to be okay with my failings and ask for what I need.

2006-05-23T10:06:00.000-07:00

It seems I can only have one blog with the fidelis.fuse. After I fixed the discernmentcdp one it would not open the gods-providence one.

2006-05-23T10:03:00.000-07:00

This is one I am putting in gods-providence. What does it look like now? I think it is now going into the discernmentcdp

2006-05-23T07:40:00.000-07:00

It is May 23. Yesterday, Sr. Leslie renewed her vows. It was a simple and inspiring ceremony. I am still trying to figure out how to use this blog. I had one set up at discernmentcdp that I can no longer get to. Then I set one up at gods-providence and when I opened it this time it brought up the old messages from the discernment site, but not the one I put on gods-providence. I am obviously doing something wrong.

2006-05-22T06:55:00.000-07:00

Hello, I am back.

We are having a discernment weekend in June for women interested in exploring religious life. If any of your are interested, contact me at vocation@cdpkentucky.org.

I am still trying to figure out how to use this blogspot.

Fidelis

2003-02-25T13:22:00.000-08:00

Well those angels do seem inspirational but I can't see them! So while I'm seeing how this works I'm going to slide in a little plug for my new msn group thats about discerning. http://groups.msn.com/TheRefectory/homepage

2003-02-25T13:02:00.000-08:00

I have been looking at the angels on the page here and they are truly spurring me to meditation. They seem to be struggling very hard to accomplish something, to get somewhere. I see them with scroll, with word, with invitation, with a desire to accompany. What will it take on my part to open to them, to the message they bring, to an acceptance of their presence near me? I think that all they need is my openness and they will be able to commune with me. In the Old Testament angels are always God's messengers but more that that they are the message of God, and the mediated presence of God with the people. I pray to be open so that these angels can dance and sing and surround each of us with God's loving presence. Open my heart to your word, O God.

2003-02-25T08:33:00.000-08:00

Well, at least I got another one to publish right on this page. What is the relationship between this page and the address discernmentcdp.blogspot.com which I submitted?

2003-02-25T08:32:00.000-08:00

Hello, now I am in this area and trying to post another message. It doesn't seem to work. I also cannot get to the site by putting in discernmentcdp.blogspot.com. So how do people get here? And how do they post their own messages. I wonder.

2003-02-25T06:31:00.000-08:00

Hello, all. Welcome to the website for people looking at a possible call to religious life. Do you like the logo on the side. Angels who appear to be struggling. Maybe they are trying to get our attention. It isn't always easy to do that. This is a test since I am new at the blogger thing and don't know if this will work or how I let you know to get into the site, etc. Here goes.